"Sexual abuse plants the seeds of inferiority." Oprah hit the nail on the head when she and Tyler Perry discussed the result of sexual abuse on her show today (November 12, 2010).
The guilt doesn't stop when the children grow-up, especially if they cannot talk about it. They are often accused of making it up.
I know because I am 52 years old and I am still live with the result of being molested. My brother (not the molester) treats me as if I am worthless. And he goes to New Life Church. I guess he would call himself a Christian. His behavior has affected how I think of Christians, how I feel about Christians. My friends remind me that not all Christians are like my brother. It's something I have to keep reminding myself.
Tyler Perry slit his wrist when he was 11 years old because of the pain of being sexually abused. Men (and women) who have been abused often feel like they cannot go on because they feel like there is no safety in the world. "I almost feel like I was murdered," said a member of the audience. (I felt as if I was ) "only good for being abused; it made me hate me" said Ray, another audience member. It kills the person that it happened to; it kills the soul of the child that was sexually abused.
Although the show was about men who had been sexually abuse, Oprah spoke as a survivor of sexual abuse. She said that when someone has been sexual abused, they feel that they are "less than" and they feel that they are "worth-less". People who have been abused feel different; they feel guilty that it happened to them; they feel guilty that they didn't stop it.
I thought that since my brother lived in a nicer house than I did, lived in a better part of town and made more money than I did, that he was worth more than I was. That his life, his views and his feelings were more important than mine.
I was wrong.
Oprah said that when you have been sexually abused, it "changes the way you think about yourself. You think you are worthless, so you act in a worthless behavior." 81% of the 200 men that were in her audience had considered suicide; 33% of them had attempted it.
No more. The only way to go on is to talk about what happened, to mourn the loss of safety, of innocence and of a childhood. The only way past it, is to realize that it happened to me, but it is not my fault; it is not my secret.
To my dear friend, You are a wonderful and loving woman. God created you with a purpose and he loves you beyond belief. I wish you were able to feel that love and that acceptance. From the time that I first met you and and your mother we knew you were amazing. You have become a wonderful mother and treasured friend and a fun person. I wish you could see your true value as a human being. I am sad that you feel less than adequate against your siblings because you are not and should not be made to feel like that. You are a lady a kind person and a very caring individual. My wish this Christmas for you is that you stop comparing yourself to others, start believing in yourself and stop feeling second best. You are wonderfully made and you are unique and you are filled with so much potiential. Wake up my friend, you are a magnificent person both inside and out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - honored to be your friend Teila Tankersley
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