New Life; no life

"Sexual abuse plants the seeds of inferiority." Oprah hit the nail on the head when she and Tyler Perry discussed the result of sexual abuse on her show today (November 12, 2010). 

The guilt doesn't stop when the children grow-up, especially if they cannot talk about it. They are often accused of making it up.

I know because I am 52 years old and I am still live with the result of being molested. My brother (not the molester) treats me as if I am worthless.  And he goes to New Life Church.  I guess he would call himself a Christian. His behavior has affected how I think of Christians, how I feel about Christians.  My friends remind me that not all Christians are like my brother. It's something I have to keep reminding myself.  

Tyler Perry slit his wrist when he was 11 years old because of  the pain of being sexually abused.  Men (and women) who have been abused often feel like they cannot go on because they feel like there is no safety in the world.  "I almost feel like I was murdered," said a member of the audience.   (I felt as if I was ) "only good for being abused; it made me hate me" said Ray, another audience member. It kills the person that it happened to; it kills the soul of the child that was sexually abused.

Although the show was about men who had been sexually abuse,  Oprah spoke as a survivor of sexual abuse. She said that when someone has been sexual abused, they feel that they are "less than" and they feel that they are "worth-less".  People who have been abused feel different; they feel guilty that it happened to them; they feel guilty that they didn't stop it.

I thought that since my brother lived in a nicer house than I did, lived in a better part of town and made more money than I did, that he was worth more than I was. That his life, his views and his feelings were more important than mine.

I was wrong.

Oprah said that when you have been sexually abused, it "changes the way you think about yourself. You think you are worthless, so you act in a worthless behavior." 81% of the 200 men that were in her audience had considered suicide; 33% of them had attempted it.

No more. The only way to go on is to talk about what happened, to mourn the loss of  safety, of innocence and of a childhood. The only way past it, is to realize that it happened to me, but it is not my fault; it is not my secret.

Tyler, Oprah and Me

Tyler Perry is a strong, brave and courageous man who is my beacon in the night sky. He is showing me, by example, what actions I need to take in order to become the person I want to be. The person I was meant to be.

I was flipping channels on late night TV when I came across Tyler Perry being interviewed by Oprah.  Tyler Perry was crying. And Oprah was crying.  Soon I was crying along with them.

Tyler Perry told Oprah he was molested while he was growing up.  It happened a number of times over a number of years by a number of people.  Tyler wondered how child molesters kept finding him? What was it about him?


My brother sexually molested me while I was growing up. I admired him. He was the golden boy. I was fat, shy, and always scared. 


Tyler said he felt guilty and responsible. Boys don't get molested. Or if they do, they don't talk about it. Tyler said that sometimes it felt good. It was confusing. He used to wonder if was his fault. Not any more.

I idolized my brother. Every week before the game, I would scrape the dried mud from his cleats, spread black polish on his shoe and buff it to a shine. I wanted him to like me. When he touch me, I felt so scared. I was in a hole and I felt like I was sinking deeper and deeper. There was no ladder--no way to get out.  All I could do was to stand still and hope that the hole would not collapse with me in it. 


Tyler Perry is talking about what happened to him. He is no longer the victim. It is no longer his secret. He knows that he didn't do anything wrong.

Tyler said he has forgiven his father, but he does not trust him. I cried as I watched him on TV. I still am crying. He is standing up for himself and doesn't need to protect his abusers; he tells his truth. Did his abusers protect him? Did my abusers protect me?